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Re: On Dove Look Closely: Roeper Boasts Two Messages of His Own
Things I love about this because they confirm all of my worst
assumptions about this dick:
1) I have loved women -- as friends and family members -- of all
shapes and sizes.
-- Not as lovers or girlfriends, though, of
course, because Roeper don't truck with fatties! But he won't,
like, push his cousin out into traffic because her ass jiggles. How
generous! He is capable of human emotion!
2) I once had a serious relationship with a woman whose image was
plastered on billboards all over the country and in Mexico --
billboards for Bacardi Silver.
-- He so totally dates models!
Unimportant models, sadly, but models! I wonder if he asks
potential mates whether or not they have been in a *national*
campaign, because someone of his Herculean stature certainly cannot
date any models who only have a few JC Penney fliers under their
belts!
Airkiss,
Sarah
3:58 PM Comments (0) | TrackBack
Mr. Roeper,
Having seen your movie review show more than once, I was not shocked
to see your comments on the Dove ad campaign per se. I expect most
of the things you put out there to be banal and juvenile.
I was surprised, though, at how much you hate women. Your wife sure
is lucky. (What's her dress size, by the by?)
Regards,
Sarah
11:23 AM Comments (0) | TrackBack
To: rroeper@suntimes.com
re: Chunky women in their underwear have surrounded my house
You know, Richard Roeper, you are an idiot. And you don't just
sound superficial, shallow and sexist. You also sound like a serious
asshole. And no, not all men are superficial, shallow and sexist.
In fact, I know many men who are married to, dating, and/or seriously
attracted to, women who look very much like the women in the Dove
ads, AND EVEN LARGER, MORE BULBOUS women. These men don't mind
looking at non-models in their underwear. Often, they actually enjoy
it.
Hard to believe, I know.
Guess what, Richard Roeper, I can't stand looking at your face. I
find your face more than a little unsettling. That's why (among
other reasons) I don't watch your blisteringly mediocre movie review
show on ABC.
Roeper's (non) response?
please include name and daytime phone number if you would like your
email forwarded to richard roeper.
Should I respond:
A. Bite me.
B. Bite me, Richard Roeper's lackey.
C. What, doesn't he want a photo too? After all, I might be thin and
pretty.
D. Oh just forward the fucking email, you little stooge.
E. Nevermind - just tell him he left his big stinky thong at my house.
Actual response sent:
Why? Is he busier and more important than Dick Cheney or something? I just want him to hear from a member of the female persuasion - most of which, I am sure, think he's a total idiot.
Fin.
2:29 PM Comments (0) | TrackBack
Dear Neighbor,
I have noticed you have a girlfriend. You can stop reminding me now. I've seen her several times, with and without you. We have had a few brief but pleasant conversations, and she seems like a lovely woman. She is friendly and upbeat and I tend to smile when I see her.
You have been a little too quick to point out other things about her, and I'd like you to know that further elaboration is unecessary. I don't need her tattoos pointed out to me. They are lovely, and obvious -- highlighting is unwarranted. It takes more than some ink and some riding leathers to turn Clara Barton into Elizabeth Bathory. Non-sequiturs regarding her devious strangeness and modeling career (your glaring finger-quotes serving only to lend innuendo to an otherwise common resume entry) merely reduce her to being an antidote for your middle-management stylings, mid-life crisis and Grant Goodeve helmet.
Cut it out. She doesn't deserve it.
Sincerely,
Your Downstairs Neighbor
