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Dear Newlyweds,
I know you are nearly twenty years old, obviously totally grown up. I know you are living on your own for the very first time, and you even made it to the Big City (if you are from south-eastern Idaho, this moniker totally includes Boise). I don't want to presume that you are, well, a lot backwards, but I feel I should share some neighborly advice with you.
It isn't okay to presume that your neighbors really want to take care of you in the way that your parents always have. "Neighbor" is not synonymous with grocer, laundress, and housesitter. Especially not all in one week. It also isn't okay to presume that your neighbors are super excited to be your new bff (best friend forever). Sitting on the stoop talking on the phone (because maybe cell reception in a garden apartment might be a little lacking) is not an invitation to strike up a conversation. Also, when your neighbors have company, that probably isn't the best time to pop over and share inane details of your life that no one is interested in but you. Most importantly, I know you wear the special underwear and definitely didn't enjoy each other's carnal pleasures until rings were ceremonially placed on each other's fingers, and yeah, sex is fun. However, you are subletting in a not-very-soundproof apartment building. I'm sure you're very devout, but are you really praying that much with all those, "Oh God, YES"'s?
These are a few things you might want to keep this in mind if you want to keep your interactions with your neighbors neighborly. Perhaps I shouldn't mention how much I'm looking forward to fall (you are returning to Rexburg when classes resume, right?), but it is rapidly becoming my favorite season.
With Regards,
Not Your Mommy
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