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Dear My Derrière,
I understand that you recently decided to puff up like a marshmallow. Just because I spent the winter sitting around knitting and drinking booze, I don't agree that this was necessary. However, you obviously have a mind of your own and I suppose it is your prerogative. What I do not approve of is your behavior this morning as I was bending over to pick up my dropped keys. Was it really necessary to split the lining of my favorite slacks from hip to knee? I expect you to make restitution by immediately shrinking back to your former shape. And not splitting the pants any further until we make it home from work.
With Regards,
Amy
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