"So, kiddo, this just isn't going to work out."
"We're not going to be just friends, so why bother mentioning it?"
"Sit up straight while I'm talking to you."
"I think you're nice and all, but I'd be too embarassed to introduce you to my friends and family."
"Desperation really isn't sexy."
"Call me when you've grown a pair. Also, please buy yourself some new shoes."
This afternoon I signed up for a chair massage offered by my company every Thursday and noticed a warning in small print below the sign up sheet: We will not work on anyone who is knowingly pregnant. To which I thought, what the hell does this massage entail? So I go back to my desk and ask my desk neighbors: "Do you think I could get knocked up in the next 24 hours?"
"No."
"Maybe...?"
"Yes, but it wouldn't show up on a pregnancy test for 2 or 3 days."
A few hours later...
"Hey, did you know that if the Republicans take the Congress in November their big agenda item is going to be restrict and eventually BAN massages?"
"What?"
"Why?"
"Because people are totally using them as home abortions!"
"Where did you hear that?"
"A blog!"
"That sucks."
Instead of "underwires" I'm leaning more towards "sharp metal objects whose only desire is to be free of their fabric channels and rather imbedding deep into soft, soft flesh"--but that might be too many syllables.
I wish instead of 'cell phones' people called them 'pocket phones'.
1. Would you think that a product with the scent (flavor?) Chamomile Dreams would be
a. an herbal tea,
b. a pantiliner
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH
HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
hee!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I showed my hand there.
