Dear Coworkers,
While the point of the holiday season is to share joy and mirth with humankind, I’ve got to say I’m tapped out. It started out slowly—asking if I’d like to participate in a white elephant gift exchange and maybe bring some food to a holiday potluck brunch. Sure, said I, not understanding that this was just the beginning of the flood. Next came the invitation to the company party—and one new dress that I can’t afford. Then there was the email about our charity family. I’m not an ogre. Of course I’m going to go out and buy some stuff for charity. This is the kind of thing that makes the holidays ALMOST seem bearable. But I didn’t want anyone to think I was cheap, so I spent more than I could afford. Plus I bought some crap for my coworkers, just in case some of them bought some crap for me. The point is, my budget is blown so when you send out that well-intentioned memo about those people retiring at the end of the year and wouldn’t I just love to pitch in for a gift I really should say no. But I won’t, because it’s the holidays and I don’t want anyone to think I’m a scrooge. Do you think this is justification for a big raise next year? I can’t afford to work here in December.
Sincerely,
Amy
For Christ's sake, exactly how long have I been wearing two headbands? Why didn't anyone say anything? Am I your OFFICE CLOWN?! Or perhaps worse yet, does no one look at me at all and I am the Office Ghost?
It has recently come to our attention that new management principles have been introduced by some members of the executive team. The recent lecture in the North Auditorium by Dr. Stephen Covey, as well as last year's holiday gift, Control Your Destiny or Someone Else Will, should serve as philosophical models for managing, decision-making, prioritizing goals and guiding professional development within your teams.
This memo serves as a friendly reminder that the broad and indiscrete application of Kimora Lee Simmons' Beat a Bitch's Ass paradigm has not been approved by Corporate for use in field offices, or among junior staff.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Kimora Lee Simmons' Beat a Bitch's Ass paradigm has not been approved by Corporate
