Sarah
Sarah sometimes fantasizes about being shorter and/or Anna Wintour. To this end, she has bad posture and sometimes wears sunglasses indoors. She hates everyone, except Lou Barlow and one of her three cats.
Lobstergirl
Lobstergirl has been weaving an AIDS potholder since 1987. It's almost finished. Her hobbies include sabotaging golf courses and recreating tableaux of European wars inside eggshells. She is a scruffy-middle-aged-black-man magnet. She has no trouble reconciling all the killing done in the name of Jesus, because she wants to kill lots of people too. She makes a bad first impression, a pretty good intermediate impression, and finishes with another very poor last impression.
Kelly
Kelly is like the discount internet version of Ira Glass, only a lady. We wish we could tell you about her job, because good fuck, it's such a cool job, but that always seems to end badly for the weblogging masses, doesn't it? Kelly has a pseudo Rock Star neighbor living in the apartment across the hall. His shitty band was recently dropped from its major label, leaving him and his friends plenty of time to play guitar and sing shitty Sugar Ray songs at 3am.
Jojo
Jojo is really smart. Much smarter than you. She can school you in several languages. That's not to minimize her pert breasts, though. Tits and brains aren't an either/or proposition! She is known as "the classy one."
Erin
Erin is planning on wearing an Alexander McQueen dress when she wins her first Oscar. Some say she is actually the reincarnation of Connie Francis. She often forgets about Daylight Savings Time all together. She almost paid $30 to see Taylor Dayne sing at a gay nightclub above a carwash, but was talked out of it, thank God.
Gogol
The Chak has been organizing a steel cage match between Ronnie James Dio and corn (to be clear: the vegetable, not the shit-rock band) for the last few weeks. She's also contemplating a swordfight between Lemmie and bread (again, the food, not the 70s-era band). Mercola and safety are her twin obsessions.
Brett
Brett is a lawyer and a patriot. It's been two long years since he cut his dreads and left the modern dance troupe he co-founded, and he's never looked back. He is probably a better cook than you, and he has the biggest penis of any Rage Blackout contributor.
